


Floodgates

by IzzyWhizzy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crying Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e09 The Trap, Season/Series 15
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzyWhizzy/pseuds/IzzyWhizzy
Summary: s15e9 CodaCas can tell that Dean is devastated that Chuck managed to get Sam to lose hope. He manages to hold it together in front of Sam, but once Sam goes to bed Dean can't hold it together any longer. Fortunately, Cas is there to catch him.Please be gentle with me - this is my first fanfic :)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Floodgates

When they returned to the bunker, Dean immediately went to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of whiskey, sat down at the table and sighed. Cas followed him took a seat next to him. After a few minutes of staring into space Dean glanced at Cas. Clearing his throat, he asked “Sorry, did you want one?” raising his glass to Cas. Cas just shook his head and they continued to sit there in silence.  
Sam walked up and hovered in the doorway uncomfortably.  
“Did she leave?” asked Dean. Sam glanced around and seemed to be trying to pull himself together.  
“Yeah.” Sam replied after a moment, fiddling with his sleeve.  
“Sorry” Dean offered sadly, dropping his gaze back to his whisky.  
“That was our… um… chance… to stop… Chuck.” Sam forced out. “But... what… Chuck showed me… What would have happened if we’d trapped him - I believed him.”  
Dean lifted his gaze to Sam’s face and considered his words for a moment.  
“I still do” Sam finished, dropping his eyes nervously. Dean looked at him and nodded slightly.  
“Well that’s good enough for me” Dean replied before taking another swig of his whisky. Sam looked at him in surprise.  
“Ok… um… so… what now?” Sam stuttered out.  
“Well Chucks gone but…” Cas began.  
“…he’ll be back.” finished Dean.  
“If we can’t kill him or trap him…” Sam starts.  
“Well, then we find another way” Dean promised. Sam stared at Dean and then nodded.  
“Sammy, you must be exhausted. Why don’t you go to bed? We’ll make a plan tomorrow.” Dean said gently, forcing a soft smile onto his face. Sam sighed and rubbed his face, trying to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. Despite Dean’s calm demeanour, Cas could feel the emotional distress coming from Dean in waves.  
“Yeah, you’re right. Night Dean, Night Cas.” Sam murmured without looking at them, before trudging off down the hallway. Cas glanced at Dean. His jaw was clenched and his red-rimmed eyes were staring at the empty doorway. They heard a door close down the hall and Dean let out the breath he’d been holding. With a sigh he leant forward and rested his forehead against his arms on the table. He took deep breaths, seemingly trying to steady his breathing. Slightly unsure, Cas stared at him for a moment before reaching out and gently laying a hand on Dean’s shoulder. When Dean didn’t protest, Cas gave his shoulder a squeeze.  
“Dean?” Cas questioned softly. Dean stayed where he is for a moment, before sighing and lifting his head to look at Cas. Cas’s heart ached when he saw tears in Dean’s eyes. He left his hand resting on Dean’s shoulder - trying to offer some comfort. Dean just looked at him miserably for a while. Eventually he began to speak.  
“Chuck broke him.” He choked out “He made him lose hope. I… The things Sammy must have seen…” He stared furiously back down at the table as some tears escaped his eyes. He swatted at them angrily. “I just… I should have been there to protect him… and Eileen, sweet Eileen! He broke her too. I really thought Sammy would be happy with her. But now she’s gone. Chuck took her too.” His voice cracked at that point and he stopped, breathing shakily and glaring at his whisky. Cas waited for a moment, watching Dean sadly to make sure that Dean had finished talking.  
“We’ll fix him. We can fix him Dean.” Cas said determinedly. Dean looked up at the mention of his name. Cas griped his shoulder and continued.  
“We’ll help him, and we will help Eileen. They’ll be ok. Now we are working together again we are stronger. We’ll be strong for them.” Cas’s calm determined promise seemed to distress Dean even more. A few more tears escaped and dripped down his cheeks.  
“Christ Cas. I nearly lost you again today. And I’ve been such a dick to you. You’re my best friend, my family, and I treated you like garbage. I can’t…” Dean angrily rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.  
“Dean!” Cas replied sternly “You apologised. I forgave you. You forgave me. That’s over with.” He softened his tone slightly. “Come on” He said, taking a hold of Dean’s sleeve and pulling him to his feet. “You’re exhausted too. Your advice for Sam was good advice. Sleep. It will help you feel less hopeless tomorrow. Contrary to what you believe; whisky won’t.”  
“What d’you know Cas?” Dean huffed out grumpily, but downed the rest of his whisky, thumped the glass down on the table and then allowed himself to be pulled down the corridor towards his room. By the time they got there, Dean seemed to have pulled himself together a bit.  
“Sorry ‘bout the waterworks Cas.” Dean drawled with a smile walking backwards into his room. “I don’t know where that came from. You’re probably right. I need to hit the hay.”  
“Dean your feelings are not invalid.” Cas growled with a scowl and followed Dean into his room. Dean sighed.  
“Yeah, but like you said, I need to be strong for Sammy.”  
“I think you deliberately misunderstand me sometimes Dean! I said we will be strong for Sam. Together. We’ll help him be strong again. That doesn’t mean you can’t feel Dean. You prayed to me about the anger you feel. Pushing down your emotions will only make you angrier.” Cas glowered at him, but when he saw the vulnerability reappear in Dean’s eyes, he remembered that Sam told him that he looks angry when he’s worried so he tried to soften his glare. He closed the bedroom door, shutting himself in the room with Dean.  
“I can’t Cas.” Dean whispered “It’s like a floodgate. Once it’s open… I just don’t think I will ever be able to stop.”  
“It’s highly unlikely that you would cry for the rest of your life Dean.” Cas countered. Dean huffed out a soft laugh.  
“But you can cry now.” Cas continued “It’s only you and me. Sam’s asleep. No one else is here. I’m here to catch you if you fall apart, and then, afterwards, I will help you to stand again.” He reached out a forced Dean into a hug. Dean stiffened at first, but after a few seconds he relaxed into the hug with a sigh.  
“I just wish I could protect Sammy from everything.” Dean murmured against Cas’s shoulder, tightening his grip. “When Michael killed the apocalypse world hunters, I thought he was going to fall apart, but he somehow managed to get through it. But since then he’s lost Rowena, and Mum, and… and Jack.” Dean’s voice was rough and his words were laced with pain “And I was so hard on him. And you. You’d just lost your son!” he cried. Cas held on to him firmly.  
“But Dean, you’d lost them too.” He murmured into Dean's hair.  
“I… but I…” Dean spluttered “I was going to kill Jack! How could I even….? Mum was dead and I was so… angry! I couldn’t think straight. I wanted someone to blame. But he was just a boy. Our Boy. Jack was…” Deans knees buckled then. Cas held him up for a moment before sliding them both to a kneeling position on the floor. Holding him up by his shoulders, Cas rested his forehead against Dean’s.  
“You have to let yourself greave for him. Jack was like a son to you too. He loved you. You loved him too.” Cas urged.  
“I have no right!” Dean hissed fiercely not even bothering about the tears streaming down his face anymore “after what I did...”  
“You were trying to save the world, Dean. You were trying to do what was right. Let yourself feel his loss. You are safe here with me. You can cry.”  
Dean let out an anguished cry and collapsed against Cas, sobbing into his neck. Cas began to murmur into his ear.  
“I’m here Dean. You are safe. Sam is ok. We’ll help him together. Let it all go.”  
They stayed on the floor, Dean crying and Cas whispering for what seemed like forever but eventually, Dean’s sobs gradually subsided and in their place there was just the odd hiccup or sniff. Dean didn’t seem to want to move. Cas wondered if he had fallen asleep.  
“Come on Dean. You need some sleep”. He murmured finally, gently helping Dean to stand and leading him over to his bed. Dean sat down staring at his feet. He seemed exhausted and ashamed. After a moment Cas dragged a chair over and sat in front of him. He began to help Dean out of his shirt almost like a mother would with a small child. After a moment Dean snapped out of his stupor and shook Cas off gently.  
“S’allright Cas I can do it.” Dean muttered, pulling off his shirt and then unlacing his boots. “Sorry you have to deal with me after the day we’ve had.”  
“Dean, stop speaking as if you are a burden! I am here for you. You said I am your best friend! Well, you are my best friend too!” He sighed and cocked his head, scrutinising Dean for a moment.  
“You still don’t believe that you deserve to be saved, do you? I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”  
“Don’t Cas, I can’t…” He groaned out as if he was in pain, tears forming in his eyes again. He stood up quickly and shucked his jeans off before climbing into bed and burying his head in his pillow with his back to Cas. Cas waited. Eventually, Dean’s breathing evened out so Cas stood up and began to walk to the door.  
“Cas?” Dean called out  
“Yes, Dean?”  
Silence stretched out and Cas began to wonder in Dean had gone back to sleep. Then came a whisper through the dark.  
“Stay.”  
Cas walked over, removed his shoes, tie and trench coat and then climbed into the empty side of the bed. After a few moments, Dean rolled over and they just stared at each other for a while, anchoring themselves in the other’s eyes. Eventually, Cas reached up and gripped Deans shoulder again, remembering that it had offered him comfort earlier. Dean closed his eyes and seemed to be holding his breath for a moment, but then he let it out and moved towards Cas, resting his head on Cas’s shoulder and slinging an arm around his waist. It wasn't long until he relaxed and fell asleep.  
As Dean lay sleeping dreamlessly in Cas’s arms, Cas was able to focus on his own emotions. His heart was so tormented because Dean was in such pain, but there was something else there too. This was not the way that Cas had imagined removing Deans clothes or sharing his bed, but in some way, this was much more intimate. Instead of the physical attraction that the two of them had been ignoring for years, Dean had finally trusted Cas enough to open up to him. Dean had allowed himself to be vulnerable and broken in front of Cas, and that meant more than carnal pleasures. Dean had given a part of himself to Cas that he’d perhaps never given to anyone else. Cas allowed himself to weep quietly. His heart was broken for everyone he loved, for everyone he’d lost, but somehow, with Dean in his arms, he managed to hold on to a little hope.  
In the early hours, Cas felt Dean stir and then stiffen as he awoke. He stayed completely still and silent for a while, gripping Cas’s arm. Cas pushed his face into Dean’s hair but didn’t interrupt his thoughts; giving him time. Eventually, Dean took a deep breath and then leaned up to press a soft kiss on Cas’s lips. He pulled away, with a slight blush and looked questioningly into Cas’s eyes. Cas cupped Dean’s face with a shaking hand and pulled their lips back together.  
What followed was not what Cas had imagined either, not desperate or hurried or rough: It was achingly beautiful. Every touch, or kiss, or taste had years of love poured into it. Their movements sang of trust, and love, and adoration. Inch by inch they took each other apart, worshipping every part of one another’s bodies. They drew out every second, never wanting this slice of paradise to end. Nothing else existed except themselves moving together as one, showing each other the depths of their admiration, eventually shuddering out their releases with declarations of reverence and devotion, and of love.  
In the morning, when they finally emerged together to face the world again, they were a little more hopeful and a little less broken.


End file.
